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Bob critiques a waitress’s penmanship while Miles says farewell to an old friend or does he?
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Any moment here. Now you’re quiet. Now we start the live stream and you’re quiet. My cat was playing with my thing. Get out of here. My cat was playing with my thing. I can’t believe it. Hey, everybody, welcome to the Tarot Dome. Hey, everyone, this is Miles, feeling fresh. Freaky fresh. Freaky fresh. Freaky, freaky fresh. Live or plausible. You actually have your name. You have your real name on. I thought we were going to have Mexoplex. No. No. Or whatever you call him. We were talking about this character off the show there. Waiter! It’s my new villain for Superman! I don’t know. It’s some obscure reference and I didn’t know the guy’s name. Apparently it’s a big deal. I don’t know. Bro Retap? It’s right.
No, it’s lowly town. New Superman villain mitzvah flick. Mm-hmm. What? New Superman villain. Yes. That’s for all the people overseas. Weetabix in Canada. Weetabix is a cereal. Thank you. Um… It’s getting nice outside, Miles. Is it getting good weather up there in Anchorage? A couple days ago it was nice, but it’s kind of tanked a little bit since then. I thought it was pretty nice. I went out to dinner last night with a friend of mine and his wife. My wife went too. quadruple some. We went to this place that I’m not even going to say what it is because we have frequented it a little bit. We met him there and just had dinner and chatted and so forth. We hadn’t done that in a while. We’re sitting there and we’re ordering our food. Very nice
young lady was our waitress. I mean, very… Well, now that… Everybody’s young. I’m so old now at this point. Very nice young lady. She’s taking our order and she’s right next to me. I’m on the outside or whatever you want to say. I’m watching her write and she’s She’s got this pen, I guess, or maybe mechanical pencil. I’m not sure what it is. And she’s writing down her order, but she’s gripping it like she’s holding on for dear life. She’s got like a monkey grip on this thing. You know, there’s a big thing about young folks never had to write cursive. Mm-hmm. Right. And so I don’t know how you hold a pen or whatever, but, you know, I kind of hold it like out front. Right. Well, she’s just basically like grab this pen like it’s a beer can. Right. A small beer can. Yeah. And is writing. She’s like scribbling with. I mean, it is the most awkward looking thing. And I was just like, I just I was mesmerized. I couldn’t I couldn’t take my eyes off of this.
technique. It was as if she’d never written in her life. And I’m like, you know, I’m looking, I want to ask. I really do. I mean, I have most of the time in public, I have to like pull myself back. If I just were to let myself go, I would ask all these embarrassing, terrible. Oh, like me, like me yeah like you Hey, did you go to special school? Why do you write like this? Why are you writing like… Did you get hurt? Yeah, exactly. Like Bob Dole and you got like a fused hand or something. Oh, nice. Nice. And so she’s taking the order. I’m watching this. And then my friend, he orders a Yingling lager. Right? Yeah, I don’t know what that is. Oh, you don’t know what that is?
I don’t drink. Oh, okay. Well, I don’t drink very much either, but it’s the oldest beer. Oh, I don’t know. Anyway, they didn’t have any. She’s like, oh, we don’t have any lager. You’re from Wisconsin? My friend goes, what? Huh? Lager? We’re all out of that lager. Oh. And he’s like, What are you talking about? It was so terrible. Were you from Macedonia? I mean, how do you talk like this? You’re talking incredibly. No lager. And then finally he goes, oh, well, then I’ll have, you know, I forget what he had then. But she couldn’t say lager. And then she couldn’t use a pen. I would have to. Yeah, I’d have to call her out at that point. Like, wait a minute. I want to take a picture.
Oh, I don’t know. Yeah. Well, true. It would have been a little bit weird. Yeah. I don’t. Yeah. I’ve never figured out how that trick works. So don’t do it. Yeah. I want to take a picture. No, sounds weird, but I like thinking you hold my flat person, please. Well, that’s different. I do carry around a paper doll with me sometimes for people to take their picture with, but that’s something completely different. That’s a, Otherwise, she was perfectly pleasant, other than the fact that she did not know how to use a pen or a pencil and did not know the word lager at a restaurant that has a bar component. Could I have some fastest then? Yeah. Fastest lager? Maybe she was foreign. We don’t know. She was not foreign. I can tell you right now. She was a local kid.
Yeah. Yeah. And I’m like, but it was so funny because I didn’t know what she was saying either. Lager? And I’m like, what is that? What is that? And my friend’s like, he’s like, what? Oh, my God. Like all these condescending people like coming down to a poor girl. Oh, my God. I know this poor woman. We weren’t that bad. No, he was like, what? That’s why he is all the time. You know what? and uh yeah so this poor lady had to serve us but thankfully it you know really wasn’t that tough. Right. But, uh, she, uh, yeah, I, this pencil, the, do people not, I mean, I don’t really write. I have horrible handwriting yeah is abysmal most of the time because i really want to do it. I’ve seen your postcards to me and i’m like, is a third grader right that’s correct
Like, what is this? But I do have, you know, I hold my pen as if I know what I’m doing. I just don’t want to do it. Where she was holding her pen as if she didn’t know how to hold a pen. Right. It was like a fist. Yeah. And like, if she eats like this, holy moly. Yeah. Thankfully, I did not have to experience watching her eat. Would you like to eat with us? Yeah. Would you like to pull up a chair? I guess if I could have a little bit of lager. Yeah. If I could have some lager. But you didn’t quiz her. I don’t know. Maybe she was putting this on. Maybe that was the whole thing. I don’t know. Maybe she was from Wisconsin or something. You know, you can’t judge people. Come on. You can’t judge. Come on. You’re judging. You’re judging. I’m not judging. You’re judging.
Okay, I’m a little bit judgy. Yeah, you and your friend there. Yeah, your uptight friend. I hate to see her play darts for Christ’s sake. She just grabbed this. You know what I mean? Close enough. She’d be sticking herself in the foot all night. Holy shit. I don’t know. Maybe she’s from a different country. We don’t know. Nobody plays darts anymore. You’re… Not for real. I mean, goofing around. Stuff like that. The early part of my college years were spent playing darts. I would not challenge someone to a game and offer to whip their ass at playing darts. No. Do you know how to hold a dart? Yeah, I know how to hold a dart like a man. Well, I’m afraid this young lady would not be very good at darts.
Frankenstein. Exactly. Exactly. Frankenstein. Take order. Lager. I mean, you look like Blair from Facts of Life, but man, just the way you hold this pencil is driving me crazy. You look a little bit like Jerry from Facts of Life. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. No one remembers that character. Yikes. Wow. Yikes. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Maybe she had cerebral palsy. Maybe this is the beginning. It’s going to feel horrible if I go back in there and she’s working and they’re like, oh, yeah. Margaret got the CP, and now she can’t work anymore. Well, she’s not here anymore. People make fun of her. Everybody made fun of her pen work. Her penmanship. Yeah, poor lady. I’m such a jerk. You and your stupid friend. Well, no, no. He just was on the logger thing. I don’t think he even noticed the pen. Yeah, but still, he didn’t. I’m not going to throw him under the bus for that one. Yeah. I was the pen guy. I don’t want to meet any more of your so-called friends, man. I’ll tell you that right now. I don’t. I don’t.
You don’t. All right. Well, Hey, I hope she didn’t have any kind of, uh, you know, like nerve damage or anything. Well, let’s hope she did. Good thing that, uh, you know, I never do the tip when I go, if I want to do it with my wife, I never figured the tip. I always give up my wife to take care of. You give the, what your wife, the tip. Is that what you’re. What are you saying? Lager? So, no, I mean, she always does the tip, and I think she’s a better tipper. You know what I mean? Oh, I would guarantee that. You are cheap. Oh, give me a break, man. You’re cheap. You’re such a bastard. Yeah, yeah. You’re such a bastard. Oh, hey, we got a couple people here with us, by the way. Laura and Michael. And they’re throwing, oh, thank you.
Thank you. But anyway, this poor woman and her penmanship. I wanted to look at that pad so badly, but I couldn’t. Because if I stood up, I should have stood up and let me see what the hell you’re writing. I just want to see it. Let me see it. Please let me see it. that’s weird. What’s, what’s going on with you miles so uh you know it was, uh, there’s all this time it was the worst time yeah there’s all these social platforms that mostly on Facebook, I guess, which is no big deal but um yeah and I, you know, you have a little mixture of people you’ve known from different parts of your life and stuff, you know? Well, Actually, before you go into your story, can I stop you for just a moment? What in the hell are you doing watching an old football game and posting about it? I’m a mental case. I’m a mental patient. You’re like, oh, my wife won’t let me watch this old ancient football game from when I was a toddler, but I’m watching it anyway. I was just reliving my youth, you know, and I was watching…
I was watching some old movies. You busted out the crayons, and I was… I was watching the 85 Bears, so what? I was wearing my jersey from back then. It barely fit over my neck. I was watching the Dallas game, smartass. I know. Talk about social media. It’s like, who the… Who the… Who’s that shit? I have no friends. You’re the last friend I have, okay? So, I mean, that’s how desperate I am. So, I had to watch… Act normal and use your pen right. Christ. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Lager, not lager. Come on. All right. Go ahead. I’m with your story now that I’ve checked. You get a variety of people and all this stuff. And, uh, uh, I, there was this guy that was a great behind me. Um, and I knew him to some extent, not well, but, uh, he seemed like a funny dude and, uh, and, uh, Greg and, uh, and, uh,
We didn’t really hang out, but we had this like ACT like prep class together. Oh, you prepped for the ACT. Yeah. Okay. I don’t know. I was told I had to go. I don’t know. Yeah. Well, my mom paid for it. So what the hell? Well, my mom worked there, so I got to go for free. So screw you. Screw you. Because we were rich. Yes. Yes, I know you were rich. I went to the best community college. So screw you. And so there’s Greg. This is just the background story of Greg here a little bit. But Greg came to class extremely high. I’m convinced this guy. I mean, this is like many, many, many years ago. Of course, you know, I think we were obviously still in high school and stuff like that. But, you know, he was like making comments like,
oh, where did I get this shirt at? You know, it was like some buttoned up shirt. He had it all like halfway unbuttoned. He’s just like, dude, dude, where? No, I mean, he wasn’t even joking around. I mean, he was like, dude, where did I get this shirt at? I know he’s just laughing at shit. And then he got me laughing. I’m like, oh my God, this guy is just so high. You know, like the teacher was using like this, like this big, huge green chalk thing, you know, and And the guy didn’t know, but he was like rubbing like his hands on his face. So he looked like, you know, like the little Martian guy from the Flintstones or something, you know, it was like a kazoo or something, you know, he was getting all green and shit. And this high guy was laughing, you know, getting me laughing. I’m like, God, this guy is like the funniest guy in the world, you know? And, you know, I’d see the guy on and off a little bit.
He eventually hits me up on Facebook many years ago. We’re in the future now. He’s figured out where his shirt came from. I just had to get my link to Greg going here. Greg is like, what the fuck are you doing watching an old football game? I didn’t even watch that anyway. It’s called YouTube. You wouldn’t understand it. You know, I mean, I haven’t really seen this guy in many years and, you know, we didn’t really communicate very much, but every once in a while, like he just messaged me, you know, like, Hey, how’s it hanging miles? Are you, you know, still cool dude. I remember, you know, get high, get highs. But no, the guy, I don’t know. He went on to be like, I don’t know. Uh, I don’t know, like a fireman for like 25 years and retired or something, all this. Oh, good for him. And, uh, but then I think he started, uh, selling hemp or something. I mean,
Oh, yeah. Oh, there you go. He works at the dispensary now. Right. Okay, so that’s the background, right? But otherwise, he would just out of the blue, like, hey, how are they hanging, Miles? Hi, how are you doing? I’m like, oh, pretty good. Which I do have some weirdos that do that to me. Oh, pretty good. Oh, pretty good. Can’t complain. So now, flash forward, and I’m looking at a mutual friend’s page, right? Okay. And, uh, I won’t mention this mutual friend. I’m not going to mention Jeff’s name, but okay. So I’m watching my friend Jeff and Jeff posts this thing. And, uh, it’s Greg’s old bit. Oh, Greg has passed. He died. He died. No, for real. He died. No, he died for real. How horrible fucking story is this? Oh, baby.
I was hoping someone would come out and do all the awes and blahs. So I’m like, oh, oh, wow. That’s sad. You know, kind of, you know, here’s a grandpa, you know, all this stuff. What’s that? You ever figure out where that shirt came from? Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. For, you know, so I’m like, oh, wow. Tell me he died smoking in bed. Cause that would be like, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know what happened to the guy. I don’t know. And, uh, So I’m like, man, I remember that guy used to message me all the time, right? Like, son of a bitch. I’m going to go back. Go look at the messages. I’m dying, Miles. Please call. Please call me, Miles. I haven’t heard from you. Please, you jag off. Please call. Yeah. What happened, Jeff? Oh, about two weeks ago. Oh, I need a message. I need an operation. If you could just send me $10,000, Miles, please. I need kidney. Yeah, right?
Yeah, you’re my same blood type. Remember, we took the ACT together. Yeah, if you want a million dollars, reply to this. Yeah, I’m like, you know what? I don’t know. I was weird. I was like, okay, I’m going to see the last thing this guy wrote me because I go, God, it’s been a while, right? Yeah, it’s going to be prophetic here. Yeah. I go, I bet it was something cool. I bet, you know, more than how’s it hanging or something. I bet it was something funny that we talked about. Mm-hmm. And I’m looking and looking and looking and looking and looking. And I realized that son of a bitch unfriended me. Wow. I can see why you didn’t call the ambulance. I know. I go, wait a minute. What the hell happened? 20 years of being my friend. And then just before he, well, he knew you were like trying to get in the will or something. No, I had no idea. This guy had unfriended me. I had no idea. I’m like.
I go, that’s a little rude. I mean, I’m sorry for the decedent, but at the same time, I go, isn’t that a little rude to unfriend me? I don’t think so. I thought that was completely rude, but now I can’t take it out on him because he’s gone. When are you going to find out I unfriended you? I don’t know. You message me like, I don’t know what happened. This mental patient sends me DMs nonstop, like every 10 minutes. I’m like… Oh, look at a tribute to Duran Duran. Miles, look at it. I’m like, oh, my God. Jesus. Yeah, I give him the thumbs up. So that encourages them to keep going. Oh, look at this. A Groucho Marx film festival. You might like this. It’s in Pennsylvania. If you can get there, you know, like, yeah, make it. You’re an idiot. You know, just look at they’re killing dolphins for fun down in Florida. You know, send money.
Send money. I mean, come on. Will you please stop DMing me? This guy. Jesus. I don’t want you to be so lonely since your friend Greg died. I know. I’m like, mine is. Every time you’re looking, you get one. You’re like, is that Greg? Greg? Greg, you son of a bitch. I don’t know. Has anybody ever gotten. So the interesting thing will be if he DMs you after death. Oh, man, if that shit happens, I’m done. You ever get ghost DM’d? I’ve been ghosted, for real. You’ve been ghosted and then ghost DM’d. Maybe Jeffrey will be your median so that he can ghost DM you. No, but I mean, I’ve been unfriended. I mean, Smidge has unfriended me, you know, like two or three times. He takes me back. That’s Smidge’s MO. I know, he’s…
He gets mad. He kicks things around and then he unfriends him. I make fun of him and his kids all the time. He’s like, you’re not my friend. I hate you. Then he comes back three days later like, all right, one more chair. I haven’t seen enough food posts lately, so I need to come back here. Miles, I love your post about the 85 Bears. You’re like this lonely old man in your basement watching a football game from 40 fucking years ago. I am a lonely old man. Is anybody upstairs? I need some lunch. Throw a sandwich down. I’m just down here because I can’t afford the goddamn bullets. I can’t come unglued from this game. It’s so riveting. I’m sitting in my own fluids here. Go down to the pampers. I’m not getting up until this sucker’s over.
Yeah. No, I don’t know. My life is so crazy, isn’t it? Yeah. Yeah. So Greg, if you’re listening, if you’re listening from heaven, I know you’re there, man. If you could just give me a sign as to why you would have unfriended me somehow. So how long has this guy been dead? No, I mean, it just happened. Like he recently, yeah, he, has joined the choir invisible, man. He’s gone, man. He’s like, I was just wondering, like, you’re so caught up with the fact that he unfriended you just, just ahead of his death. Yeah, no, I, well, I don’t know when he did it. I don’t know. It was an act of mercy. He’s like miles about me. No, he won’t even know. I’m the funniest guy I know. You know what I’m saying? I cannot believe someone would even unfriend me, man. That’s, that’s,
A guy I laughed at several times. I laughed at him when he was high. I thought it was funny. So, Greg, I’m sorry you’re gone, Greg, but if you could somehow reach out, somehow. I’m going to watch an old Franco Harris Pittsburgh Steelers game in your honor. Laughter Just for you, my friend. If Bob gets an asset, we’ll know it’s real. We’ll know it’s real. I’m not going to forget you, Greg. We’ll forget you even though you unfriended me before you died. I love you, Greg. I love you and your shirts. Oh, my God. That’s nice. You’re a jerk, man. Well, I told a story about making fun of a waitress with a gorilla grip on a pen. Now you’re laughing at some guy that got high once. Well, to all the people who got high once and didn’t know where their shirt came from. Yeah. This one goes to you, Greg. You made me laugh, Greg. Oh, I was getting… Laura left. I was going to have her tell a story. Oh, shit. I should have…
gone into the Greg thing. Yeah, that’s what turned it. You turned it, man. Yeah, I turned it. She’s like, these people are assholes. That’s not very funny. Yeah. Michael, do you got a story you want to tell? You’re out there. I don’t know if you can hear us. There he is. Fuck on the damn road. AAA. Yeah, he’s waiting for the tow truck. Do you have your tow pen? Huh? Do you have your tow pen? A lot of these new cars… Oh, he’s muted again. A lot of these new cars don’t have… They have a pin that you screw into the front bumper, and that’s how you tow your car. Oh. Well, they use it to pull it up onto the… Oh. You didn’t know that? Yeah.
No, I don’t. If you don’t have your tow pen, they’re going to have trouble. I don’t have no fancy car like you, man. Yeah, well, that’s true. I guess the tow truck showed up because Michael’s gone dark on us now. He’s probably waiting for a tranny anyway. He’s like Eddie Murphy or Danny Bonaduke or something. Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. Okay. Orlando, guys. I guess we’ll wrap it up here, and I hope that Greg sends you his sign. All right. Peace out, Greg, man. Love you, buddy. Now, Bob, if you could hear me, man, my story is I’m stuck on the side of the road with my piece of shit Lexus waiting for the damn tow truck. Oh, there, I could hear you. I could hear you. Well, and our sponsor tonight is Lexus Motors.
You drive a Lexus, you drive luxury. Yeah. So while you’re waiting on the side of the road, you can sit in comfort in your new Lexus. Hey, Bob. Yeah. What is the difference between a Lexus and a porcupine? Oh, gosh, Miles. I don’t know. Lexus has its pricks on the inside. Oh, my God. Poor Greg. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.