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Miles finally takes Bob’s advice and likes it, while Bob is mesmerized by the differently abled.
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Static. Hey everybody, welcome to the show. This is Bob. Hey everyone, this is Miles with some really cool animation. Really cool animation, yeah, that’s true. I just was watching your animation. It looked pretty cool. Yeah, it was alright. We did alright there. Yeah, we did a good job. Yeah. So, yeah. A little bit of a different thing today because of what’s going on here. Oh, I didn’t really mean to use that picture. Oh, wow. No one knows who that is. They can’t change it now. Yeah. Well, he’ll never listen to this, so no one needs to know who that is. True, true. Let’s not even mention it. Yeah, we won’t even talk about this. You mentioned it short round. yeah oh yeah i didn’t mean to have short round on there either well tonight’s been a trial by fire here, so uh we’re having some technical issues, and so we’re here dealing with it and yeah we’re gonna make it happen. That’s all there is to it that’s that’s what we do apparently that’s yeah it’s really the only thing we have going for us.
Is making it happen. That’s us. We make it happen. Make it happen. Well, somebody makes it happen. Yeah. We’re glad you made it here and you’re listening and I hope you’re relaxed. Yeah. Ready to laugh. Get ready. I hope you’re ready to laugh. Let’s use our imaginations. Yes. Um, so, you know, it’s been, I realized that, uh, The delivery was a day late last week, but anything you want to mention? Oh, yeah, right. That you lost a bet and you did that Welch, which I was surprised at. And you sent me a gift card to Chick-fil-A, which I had never been to before. Yeah, that’s hard to believe, but I guess there’s not. You live further north than I do. Yeah, they don’t have much here. It used to be that Chick-fil-A’s didn’t come above the Mason-Dixon line. Yeah. But now they’re everywhere. It was good. I enjoyed it. It was very good. Yeah. And if people don’t know what the Mason-Dixon line is, you can look it up on Google or something. Yeah, Google it. Google it. Google it, dummy. Google it. Google it.
so yeah i know and and apparently it was so good that you ate it again. Uh, no. Oh, I thought you got a free sandwich. And so you went again. No, we, uh, this is not my story, but, uh, we, uh, my wife’s like, let’s order it online and um you know, you can just go pick it up. I’m like, okay, what could go wrong? Right. What could go wrong? And, uh, so i’m all, I have like 100 questions and she’s like, well, just, you know, show the kid you’re you know, tell them what you’re up to. And I’m like, okay, well, I talked to this kid who’s in this like plastic box or something that’s where he’s like free that’s where they keep all the employees and the quick chick-fil-a is in plastic boxes like it’s like a john travolta movie. Like, oh, wow, this is like really cool. Boy in the plastic bubble. Yeah.
Like, can I help you, sir? I’m like, yeah, I’m here. Oh, all right. And my wife said something like, well, they’re going to make it as soon as like you announce your presence there. They’ll start. Right. Yeah. It’s like you go to the drive-thru before you go to the drive-thru. Yeah. And, uh, so the drive-thru was going like really quick. I’m like, wow, this is like, next thing I know I’m like up in like this receiving area, you know? Ah, yeah. And, uh, And it’s like, oh, you’re here for Daisy Piles. I’m like, yes, that’s right. It’s my wife, Daisy Piles. Daisy Piles, yeah. And she’s like, oh, okay, all right. And she keeps bringing out bags of food, but it’s for, like, the people behind me. Right, yeah. And so, like, three or four cars go by. I’m, like, just looking at her with sad eyes, like, where’s my nanny? Where’s my chick-fil-A?
And she’s like, oh, oh, oh, well, you wanted the spicy chicken, huh? Oh, yeah. Which I knew was my son’s order because my son never gets what he orders because they’re always out, you know, wherever he goes. He’s got this black cloud following him. They’re like, oh, well, that’s going to be at least 10 minutes. We got to make it spicy. I’m like, well, I don’t know. I’ll tell you what, if you make it a regular one, I’ll just give you a free coupon. Oh, wow. So I got the boy a free coupon. And then Mr. Dealmaker is like, done. Make it two. You know, I had to wait here an awfully long time. I’m a fat guy, and I’m sitting in drive-thru. I was going to go back to the home and play cribbage with all my friends. No, I can’t. Yeah. Well, hey, that’s all right. So how did you like it? Did you enjoy it?
Well, I guess he didn’t get his spicy sandwich. It was a 15-1, 15-2. You know what I’m saying? Yeah. Yeah, it was good. I enjoyed it. I got a regular sandwich, and it was good. Really? Oh, wow. A few days after that, I had Cane’s, and I’m going to have to say right now that I’m glad I had the Chick-fil-A first. Oh, really? Cane’s can be hit or miss. I mean, it wasn’t horrible, but it’s like night and day. I’m like, wow. Yeah. I love the Chick-fil-A better than the Cane’s, I would say. Like Cane’s, I’m like, I could have probably went to Wendy’s and got a similar. Oh, really? Yeah. Sandwich. Okay. Well, I just, I just wanted to get your reaction there. And also, I wanted to make sure everybody heard that I did not, I did not, you know, I paid. Welch. I paid up. Could you use the word Welch? No, I don’t like to use that word. I do.
Can you just say that like, hey, I did not Welch? I believe it’s racist. What? That’s racist. I have no idea why Welch is racist, but I believe it is. I don’t know anything about that. Yeah. It’s racist against Raquel Welch. Oh, okay. All right. Or sexist or misogynist. I don’t know. One of those. Okay. Well, as long as it makes sense to somebody. So anyway, thank you. Okay. you helped feed my family, so thank you. Yeah, and uh apparently yeah i fed more than just you, so maybe i should have got a lesser gift card. Hey, it’s your fault, dude It’s my fault okay oh well oh well whatever yeah well i went out to lunch recently and had what I would call an interesting experience. Okay. So my wife is like, come take me out to lunch. That’s usually what happens. If I say, I would really like to go to lunch, she’s like, no, we’re not eating out. That’s a dumb idea. Yeah, but then she’ll send me a note and say, hey, come pick me up, we’ll go to lunch. So we went to this…
like the subway for pizza where they make the pizza in front of you, a little pizza. You ever seen this? Oh, no. No, there’s a bunch of different ones. This one’s called, what is it called? Chartreuse. Chartreuse. No, there’s one called Blaze. And then this one is called something. I can’t remember the name of it now. Damn. But anyway, so you go there and you can get salad or a pizza or both and they’re just little pizzas, right? And so then they make them like you would a Subway, like a subway sandwich, but it’s a pizza. You know, they put the, they flatten out the dough and they put the sauce on and the whole work. Is this like one of those easy bake oven things or something like they’re really small like a they have a big oven. It’s a nice oven and so um well she’s like, let’s go get pizza but sure
So we go there and we’ve been there several times, but it’s never the best experience. I mean, it tastes fine and everything, but it takes a while because whenever you’re in line with people having to make choices, for some reason, there’s a lot of people in the world that don’t know what they want. I mean… They made the choice to go there. They made the choice to have a pizza. And then when they get to the line, it’s as if they just discovered they’ve been dropped out of a black hole onto that spot. Is the sausage really spicy? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Well, I don’t know. Well, I don’t know if I like it. Yeah. Can I try some? No. Can you put some raw sausage into my mouth?
I guess. Trichinosis, lady. So, yeah. So, it always takes a while. Well, today, the day we went, there was nobody there. So, it was fantastic. President’s Day. No, we didn’t go today. We went last week or something. Oh, you fooled me. Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. So, I’m like, oh, this is great. So, we walk up. But then… Now we have the, you know, well, I’m the manager. I shouldn’t be making the pizza situation. Oh, yeah. So then she’s like, hold on a minute. I need to get, you know, I need to, you know, do the schedule. I don’t know what the hell she was doing. So she calls this other guy from the back up to make the pizza. Yeah. He’s like, okay, I’ll be there in just a minute. This is lunchtime. I’m like, who?
The rush. Yeah. It’s like lunchtime. We don’t have a plan here, folks? Just a minute. I got to unclog the toilet. Hold on. Yeah, exactly. I’ll be right up. So then she flags this other guy who’s a very nice gentleman. Comes up and he’s, you know, what do you want? And so we tell him and he starts making our pizza. I’m standing there and I’m like, wait a minute. There’s something that’s not quite what it seems. Okay. So he goes through the process and he’s, what kind of sauce do you want? What kind of toppings do you want? All that kind, just like you go down the line and everything, right? And he’s making this pizza and And I’m like staring at him making the pizza, trying to figure out what’s going on. Yeah. Because they wear gloves. Yeah, I hope so. Yeah, right. Yeah, they wear gloves. And so, but one of his gloves looks peculiar. Oh. Yeah. Like Michael Jackson? Like that glove? Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, now he, so he’s, and then I, Don’s on me. He’s only got one hand. And, and the other hand, he’s got a glove on, but there’s no fingers. Now, the funny thing is, is we do this whole thing, me and my wife and, And, you know, with me, it’s, you know, there’s nothing. He did a fantastic job. It’s not him. Right. It’s me and my weird, you know. Yeah. I have family members who are missing things. Yes. You know. Right. And I seem to notice this. And remember, we were at college and then I shook some girl’s hand and she was missing some fingers. And there’s a whole thing. Right. So. I was just like, oh, okay. But he was doing an amazing job. He was putting them in the oven, and he only had one hand. He was doing it all with one hand. It was impressive, to say the least. Now, you would think, I mean, I’m talking about it right now, but you would think that I would have said something. Give yourself a round of applause. No, I didn’t say that. Oh, okay. I said nothing.
And we went through lunch. We had our lunch. We ate lunch. I took my wife back to work. And then I came back. I went back to work, which is from my house. So I went back to work. Not a word was uttered about our pizza maker. So wait, did he single-handedly make your pizza? He did, as a matter of fact. Thank you. Did he single-handedly? Okay. Yes. So, go all the way through the day, nothing, said nothing, said nothing, said nothing. Right. And then tonight my wife’s like, are you gonna talk to Miles? I’m like, yeah, talking to Miles, doing the show. She’s like, are you gonna tell a story about that one-armed pizza man She noticed it, didn’t she? She did, but she didn’t say anything. Yeah, she was too classy. She was like, I’m not going to say anything. Well, the thing was, she brought it up. I never even talked about it, so. I will not talk about it. But he was doing a bang-up job. Kudos to this guy. Right. I mean, you hate to be a dick. He’s like, God, you did such a good job. But he was, you know. But, I mean, think of it. They have this big, like,
wood burning oven thing where you gotta shove them way back in there. He’s swinging that, you know uh giant spatula around. Yeah, that big wooden spatula or whatever. Yeah. He’s got that going. He’s got, I mean, he’s doing it all. This guy, I mean, he’s good for him it’s fantastic it’s just me me and you would, you know, screw this up immediately oh yeah it’s like got it all it would be, it’d be like toppings everywhere and pull it out of the thing it’d be all gooey. But anyway, she was surprised that I did not say anything the whole time we were there. She was just waiting. Yeah, she was waiting. She was waiting for me to say something because I can’t help it. I’m like a little kid. I have to point out the obvious sometimes. I know. You can’t help but stare. I know. I can’t help it. And it’s nothing against the person. It’s just…
You know, I have a bit of a fascination. I’ll be honest with you. Right. My aunt, I grew up with my aunt, and she was missing three fingers. I’ve told you about this, right? Her name was Houdini. Her name was Houdini. Or not Houdini, but who’s that guy? Harold Lloyd. Harold Lloyd. Slidini? No, oh yeah, Harold Lloyd, he was missing some fingers. Yeah, he blew off some paint like a bomb yeah a prop went off yeah so anyway I grew up from a little kid, and my aunt only had her thumb and her pointer finger on her left hand. And so, ever since then, I’ve been totally fascinated, you know, with that whole situation it’s anti-shocker yeah No, she didn’t. She didn’t have a pinky. Now, wouldn’t that be funny? Never mind. Yeah, no, that wouldn’t be funny. That’d be rude. It’d be shocker. So I used to ask her about that when I was a kid. And so I would always, you know, I so badly wanted to ask this guy, you know, what happened, but I couldn’t because it’s not appropriate. Yeah.
Like my grandpa was missing like half his pointer finger, but no one ever really told me how it happened. Oh, they never told you? No. Oh, I used to talk to my aunt all the time. I’m like, what happened to your hand? To this day, I still don’t know what the hell happened to half his finger. It was gone. Huh. Well, maybe he didn’t want to talk about it. No, I don’t know. No one ever questioned it. It was like, oh, well. Maybe he’s like, don’t pick your nose, kid. I think my dad made a joke about that once or something. I don’t know. My aunt got her fingers pressed off in a bit of machinery at one of her jobs when she was younger. Oh, shit. Yeah. So I don’t know how she caught those bottom three fingers. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, all my life, she never had them. So I don’t know how long ago.
Before that, I think she was fairly young. My brother had to scoop up someone’s fingers that got cut off in a glove. He had to bring the glove and it looked like the fingers in it. Oh, my gosh. Ugh, forget it. But, you know, when you’re a little kid, stuff like that is very interesting. You want to know. I want to know. I wanted to know this guy. I’m like, number one, you’re doing a great job, first of all. Let me say this. Secondly, what happened to your hand? Third, how are you so good? Yeah, I’m such a terrible person. I keep thinking, I’m such a horrible person. You’re not a terrible person. I would want to know. I’m like, can I just ask? But a very nice guy and did a great job and everything. But yeah, I just could not help but… The whole hand was gone?
Yeah, it was like at the wrist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and so then he had like some kind of little beanie thing on his where his hand was because he had to have a glove. Oh, I thought you were going to say he was Jewish or something. No, no, it was just like a little it wasn’t even a full it wasn’t like he wrapped the fingers around the rest of his arm. It was a condom. Yeah, it was like one of those things, except bigger, that you’d use to do papers. Did he have to do it like the cashier, too? Well, you pay by card, and you just do it all yourself, so it didn’t matter. Oh, sorry. I mean, that was as fascinating as him throwing pepperoni all over the place. Yeah. That’s what happens long, though. Yeah.
But anyway, that was, you know, this is the strange and humorous. So this was the strange part tonight. Yeah. Well, that was strange. I would want to know then. I’d like to know that. Yeah. You know, I’m going to have to go. I have to like have a rapport. I have to go like every week or something just to get a rapport with a guy. And then finally I can go, hey. Hey, James. What’s up with your hand? We got to get on a first name basis. Hey, Bob, back for another one of those pizzas? Yeah, thanks, buddy. What’s your name? I got my hand cut off in the Gulf. Yeah, I was just hoping that it didn’t happen at that restaurant. No, the Gulf of Mexico. I was surfing, and I hit the shark. Oh, okay. Anyway, yeah, my wife knew all about it, and she waited and waited and waited, and then I thought I got away with it.
Why? You’re like, no, I’m going to be the adult this time. I’m not going to talk about the dude. Well, whatever happened to him, I’m sorry, but you’re doing a great job. That’s good. Well, everyone go down to… Whatever it’s called. Michelob Pete’s or whatever it’s called. Michelob Pete’s. I’m trying to remember. I can’t remember. The Brazilian two balls or something. I don’t know what it’s called. Yeah. Anyway. So what’s going on with you? I… So, I realized a miracle the uh the last i don’t know how two months, three months, I don’t know how long it is. You have been bombarding me with like places of interest to go to. Non-stop. You’re just noticing this? Non-stop, like three times a day, this clown sends me stuff. I would definitely not say three times a day, but okay. Hey, have you ever been to the Kleenex Museum in Des Moines? You’re like, no. I somehow got onto this thing where it tells me all these places in Iowa. Have you ever seen the Shetland Pony up in Fairfax? No. No. Ever see the tree in the middle of the road thing? No.
No, no, no. Right? Yeah, no. And restaurants and stuff. I go, God damn it. I got Saturday off. I go, I’m going to go to this goddamn restaurant. Oh, which one was it? I went to Otumwa. Oh, you went to the loose meat sandwich place? Yes, the canteen lunch restaurant. And actually, I had been… It’s like underneath like a parking garage. Oh, I didn’t realize that. It’s in a parking garage, actually. And I’ve actually been in that parking garage because I went to a Comic-Con across the street at the semi-haunted. Is that where you had to run in to go take a whiz? I probably did. I don’t know. But at the semi-haunted Hotel Atomwa. Semi-haunted. Yeah. Semi-haunted. And anyway, so I didn’t even know it was there. I’m like, son of a bitch. I was here like five years ago. I didn’t even know that. And I was hungry. Who would have thought I was here and hungry? Yeah, I know. I would have ate there. No, seriously. I would have. And I go, why don’t we go? Why don’t we go? Your poor wife.
I apologize to her for this. Well, it’s a trade-off because there’s some stuff she wanted to do in that part of the state. I said, okay, let’s just trade it off. She’s like, I’m a parking garage aficionado. I love to go BC parking. Yeah, she does. She just goes, hangs out at parking garages. I’ve got a parking garage website. Rate them all. She impersonates like a parking person and like she’ll collect fees from like a free. It sounds like you. She’s got like this orange vest she likes to wear. Yeah, you’d be like standing at the gate. It’d be $5. Yeah, we made like $400 that day. It was awesome. Now, she wanted to go to the new Amish supermarket. Oh, hey, those things are great.
Yeah, yeah. If you enjoy those things, yeah. If you like spices and candy and handmade shit, go to the Amish store. Check, check, check. Yep, yep. Yeah. So, all right. And if you also like to be waited on by people who seem to be repulsed by you. I was probably wearing more deodorant than they were. Anyway. So… i went to this place. We went to this place. Yeah. And, uh, it’s just like a little square building, you know and uh and you know, it’s got an old sign out front. It says, you know, from 1927 or something world famous, you know, I’m like, okay, let’s check this out. It doesn’t look very big inside, you know right yeah You may have to go in without me because if I go in, no one else is getting in. When he sits around the restaurant, he really doesn’t know. And it’s like a horseshoe-shaped counter, if you will, I guess. Semi-circle, whatever you want to call it. I don’t know. It probably seats less than 20 people. Yeah.
I didn’t really count it, but you’ll have to take my word for it. But I’m like, okay. And we got a couple of empty seats. I’m like, oh, okay. Well, it was meant to be. Here we go. Wow. You made it. And it was very old-timey looking inside. And we had a very nice waitress. She was very nice. Oh, they actually have waitresses? Really? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it’s weird because it seems like the whole staff is out in the middle of this semicircle. There’s like a back room, I guess. I don’t know what that’s used for, but it seemed like most of the staff was out in front. Yeah. They assemble your food out in front. Where you can see it. Yeah. I’m like, oh, okay. And they’re like, well, what are you known for? What are you known for? She goes, well, loose meat sandwiches. I’m like, okay. Well, what…
What is that? What is that? What is that for, you know, uh, you know, worldly men like myself, you know, what does that mean? So basically it’s a hamburger that has not been pressed. So it’s just like loose hamburger, basically. Oh, okay. On a bun. I’m like, oh, okay. Well, I love him. Not even a sloppy Joe, not a sloppy Joe, huh? No, it’s not got like any thing mixed in with it, but they’re like, well, you know, we could put all this ketchup, mustard and pickles and whatever. Like, Well, yeah. Okay. Mix it up. Yeah. And, uh, it was good. It was really good. It was good. Huh? Was that with the hamburger is not it’s just loose hamburger. It’s hamburger. has been fried up and it’s real, you know, uh, finally, you know, chopped or whatever, mixed up or something. I know this kind of reminds me of, you know, being a little kid at home, you know, my mom would, I think,
made stuff like this, I think, you know, because i think we were too poor to afford the sloppy joe stuff. So if we didn’t get the man, which, yeah, we couldn’t afford the man, which, you know, this is the meal. There’s no man, which this is, they had a cadillac payment to worry about. So that we didn’t, that’s true. Yeah. We got diamonds and furs. We can’t be feeding children. Yeah. Right. We had to lay off the staff we had, you know yeah and um Our son’s running around naked in the house. What do we care? Yeah, well, we don’t care. Shut up. Okay, so two weird things. I wear this Chicago Bears shirt, as I like to wear. It seems to be glued to you. That’s pretty much my whole wardrobe. It seems like half the people there are from Chicago.
Oh, really? Oh, I’m from Joliet. Oh, really? Well, I’m from, you know, Lake Forest. Bob sent me this link and I came here to try it out. Yeah, I said, I go, I know this nitwit, this stalker nitwit I know that just keeps sending me bullshit. You know? Yeah. And I was like, oh, he sounds like a charming young man. Uh-huh. And so that was weird because, like, you know, I just figured these like, you know, die in the wool, you know, uh, you know, locals that have never left, you know, town or something like, Oh no, no, we’re all from Chicago. I’m like, Oh really? Oh, that’s weird. Okay. Hmm. I wouldn’t guess that, but I’m like, okay. So would you go back? Yes. Oh yeah. Look at that. I see something. I, I’m going to tell you what, this blew my mind. I thought this lady was putting me on.
She goes, Oh, wait a minute. She goes, I’m going to walk to the top of the semi circle, which is not a long walk, by the way. It’s probably like, maybe it’s like 10 feet or so. She goes, I’m going to walk around your belly. Yeah. Your gravitational pull. And, uh, she goes, as I get closer to the top, I’m going to get bigger. I’m like, bullshit. Bullshit. Right. I’m like, this lady’s high. Right. Okay. No, she starts doing it. I’m like, oh my God, she’s getting bigger. She goes, yes, the floor has over time leaned in a certain way and I’m actually walking uphill. Oh, so it’s like a mystery house or one of those. Yeah. I’m like, what the fuck? What magic is this? I thought for a minute she was, she knew about, she like looked at your search history. Yeah. Yeah.
You’re like, I like to see optical illusions of women getting bigger. I’m getting bigger too. And no, I’m like, wow, you just blew my mind. I thought I was high for a minute. I’m like, what? What’s in this loose meat? What’s in my Coca-Cola, man? You roofed me, man. Oh my goodness. There’s LSD, man. I’m like TCH, man. TCH. You never get there, right? T-H-C? T-H-C, I think, yeah. Oh, God damn it. T-H-C in my loosening, man. No, I thought she was putting me on, though. You know what I’m saying? I thought she was like, I’m like, bullshit. It’s like you got dinner in a show. Yeah, I’m like, wow. I mean, like, it’s really, you know, inexpensive. Cool. See? I’m going to send you more stuff. I’m going to double my efforts. It was Coke in a real bottle.
like the old-timey bottles when we were kids. Was it Mexican Coke or regular Coke? That was racist, so I didn’t think I would ask that. Coke from Mexico. Yeah, I didn’t want to get all racist. Okay, whatever. I would go back, yes. So if you come up there… Are you going to take me? That’s fantastic. I will take you because not far from there is a mall with a cool arcade. Oh, yeah. They owe me an arcade trip anyway. It’s a flat fee. Play as long as you want. But it’s got Funhaus. All those meaty sandwiches you can eat. Yeah, it’s got Funhaus pinball and Black Knight pinball. Oh. It’s got Galaga. Wow. Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Interesting. Yeah. So are you in a real roundabout way trying to say thank you?
For sending me this? You know, usually I don’t like to do this, but I’m going to say thank you, Bob, for going out of your way and sending me a hundred things to do. Yeah. And I picked one. I did one. Yeah, I picked one. It was a little bit of a road trip for me, but I’m glad I went. It was good food. I would recommend it, yeah, if you’re in Ottumwa. Go to the Canteen Lunch. It was very good. Canteen? Well, aren’t you glad I’m looking out for you? And I tipped well, too, by the way. Oh, really? You give her some change and you go, if you walk up around the half circle, it’ll look like more. If you can get yourself small again, I’m going to add in a dollar to this tip right now. Holy crap, she did it. She did it. Yeah, so just go there for the show. You don’t have to go there for the food. Just be like, hey, could you…
you’re like honey i’m gonna walk up to the end of the semicircle and drop my pants. Yeah. You want to sit, like, by the wall, though, where the counter meets the wall. You want to sit right there like we did to get the full effect. The full, yeah, they get the full show. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Well, look at that. Yeah, it’s like the mystery spot and a place to eat too some so uh yeah somebody was there who looked larger than you. Well, I don’t mean large. I don’t mean like bad. No. Tall. Taller. Yeah, not girthier. Taller. Oh, okay. Well, there you go. There’s something to that.