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Miles causes trouble by texting, while Bob juggles money and his wardrobe.
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Jesus Christ, I’m down. Holy Christ. With a little love, we can work it out, baby. We can make the whole thing. Bring it in for a landing. Hey, everybody, welcome to the Psych Show, this is Bob. Hey, everybody, this is Brian. You always got to make fun of my intro every time. I do a long intro, you make fun, I do a short intro, you make fun of it. I want to be you. Yeah, it’s just fun, fun, fun. I want to kill you and crawl inside of you as if you were a tauntaun. I’ve been working on Ed Gein’s carousel this week. Yeah, yeah. It’s my dream. I think I found a centaur subject. Centaur. So, yeah. Yep. There you go. Yeah. You know, I heard a little birdie told me might be somebody’s birthday. Yes. Really? Okay. Yes. What are you hoping for your birthday this year? What do you want to get? That robot
Pamela Anderson dolly. We were talking about off there. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, the, you know, the future is paved with all kinds of interesting new gadgets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, uh, I, I would say, you know, the thing to invest in is that, um, ultrasound goop, uh, You know, whenever you do an ultrasound, they put the… Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that’s going to skyrocket in the next 10 years. I like it heated. Thank you. Oh, you can have a little bottle warmer or something. Yes, I do. Oh, my gosh. So, is that, I mean, nothing else for your birthday? I have plans, but I don’t really want to tell you. Oh, you don’t want to tell me you’re going to go out to dinner? I would imagine. I’ll probably go out somewhere nice, yes. Diamond Dave’s? Maybe, yeah. I’m going to go out to Crackle. Oh, Crackle. I love a Crackle’s, man. I’m going to go to Decatur, go to Monocle’s. Monocle’s and Crackle’s, two of my favorites. No, I don’t know.
I don’t know. Who knows? Normally, you have a list. It would be like unfurling. Oh, this is what I’m looking for this year. I used to actually go up by Princeton, Illinois, where you can actually pick out and fry your own steak. Oh, yeah. What’s the name of it? Is it Alexander’s? No, it was… uh well i don’t know if it worked i don’t know if it still exists, but it was called prime Quarters. Oh, okay. There was a place in uh champaign urbana called alexander’s that i used to go to the we did that had this giant grill, and yeah and you they you know you get your steak, and you throw it on. Or you could pay a guy to do it. No, come on. Or you do it yourself and and and then they had like all these baked potatoes
Yeah, it’s salad, baked potatoes. Oh, man, that was good. Now I’m getting hungry. I thought that was kind of gone by the wayside. I thought that was like an 80s kind of thing. I haven’t been there in so long, I don’t even know if it exists. So you’re thinking about going up there? I would do that. I would go to Mariska’s. in the crust hill by joliet i would go to twin anchors in downtown chicago yeah um any of those are my favorite yeah i’m looking for prime quarters what did you say it was at princeton uh princeton it’s right by the heart there still there prime quarter steak i have not been there in a long time long time it’s closed currently uh because it’s late but uh yeah it opens at five o’clock tomorrow
Well, meet me there, and you can buy me steak. Okay. Yeah, I don’t even know how fucking far away that is. Oh. But I would love to go. I can tell you that. I haven’t been to a cook-your-own-steak place. It would be north of Bloomington, maybe northwest of Bloomington. You know, there used to be a place in Decatur called Michael’s that was kind of like a low-rent Alexander’s. Yeah. It was more like cook your own hamburger. Hey, don’t worry about what the meat is. All right. It’s cheap. Don’t worry about what it is. Don’t worry about mystery meat. Uh, don’t worry about it. Like your mystery meat to be shaped. Uh, somebody ran this thing over last night. We ain’t going to tell you nothing else. It was, it was never as good. I mean, you know, I don’t know why, but yeah, I’m assuming that wasn’t,
grade A quality. I went there a few times too, but Alexander’s was always better. I don’t know why. Welcome to Alexander’s. I didn’t go out to dinner tonight, but I did have a bit of an adventure before we started talking. I’m listening. I’m just letting my dog outside before I go nuts. God forbid… These animals aren’t taken care of. It’s like your fucking sheep herder over there. I got to tend to the flock. If I could talk to the animals. It’s like to do little. So we had a thing we had to go to tonight in the evening, which is unusual. And my wife’s like, hey, we’re going to be going down this one part of town. She’s like, let’s grab all the change and go cash it in before we go to this appointment. What? Yeah. So we had all this change. Like, do you guys save your change at all? I do. Yeah. I’m making fun of you actually. Well, I didn’t. I mean, and I was like, okay. I’m like, sure. I’m game for that. And she’s like, you know, and then all of a sudden,
this is her idea, and then it becomes my responsibility. Go to coin star right she’s like where’s the where’s the best coin star on the way oh i don’t know. So I start looking it up, and then, you know, I’m trying to do this uh on my phone as we’re gathering up the coinage, and it’s not working right, and i keep fumbling my fan and like it you know i can’t find anything. So I’m like, I had to sit down here at the computer to, uh, like zone in because their app is not, their, uh, website’s not very, you know, mobile friendly. Right. And, and so I’m like, she’s, I’m like, well, we could go to the Walmart and she’s in and she’s like, Oh, okay. I go, no, I don’t want to go there. Oh, father. Yeah. Because it’s, I mean, it’s either going to be like three deep with people with a
shopping carts full of change or, or there’s going to be like some guy who’s just like staring you down, hoping that you you know miss a drop something. Yeah. So we ended up going to this other place that had a coin star where there was nobody, you know? Yeah. And, uh, but she’s, so then she’s like, okay, we’re gonna go and we try to take separate cars for various reasons that i won’t go into. and And so then she gives me all the change. And I’m like, and so now I’m juggling like several containers of change. Is it like call clip containers and stuff? Well, no, one was like a Mason jar. And one was, looks like some kind of real bad, uh,
rummage sale version of Aladdin’s lamp. And that thing, I swear to God, trying to hold that was like trying to hold a thing of jello. Everything, the handles were loose, the base was loose there was no lid, so then it kept tipping and the change kept falling out. And I was like, God damn, this thing is so hard to hold on to it’s so but so I get in the car. Of course, Aladdin’s lamp pours change all over the seat. Yeah. And then I had to clean it up and then we’re driving and we get to the place with the coin star. And, and then I get out and I’m, I’m like literally this, this lamp thing. Just, it’s like, it cannot be held. It wasn’t greasier. It had handles, but the handle would like flop around like randomly. And yeah,
and i’m like who in the hell puts all their chains in this, in this crazy brass, you know, it looks kind of nice, but it’s like a piece of it’s not functionable no it’s not it’s not functionable exactly yeah yeah so i’m you know, my pants are falling down. I’m trying to hold all this change i need to buy a belt. Yeah. Well, I hate wearing a belt. I hate it. And so I don’t wear a belt because I don’t, you know, have to go out that much. And so I’m never wearing a belt. Yeah. No, I start walking and then my pants start going down. Yeah. Yeah. And I’m trying to hold all this change and pull up my pants and my wife’s like skipping along. And he puts it in his pockets and he’s really screwed. Well, no, my pocket’s already full of my pants.
like the stuff I need to carry, like my wallet, my keys. And I picture you having like some huge key ring with like 20 keys. I do have a, I did have my, yeah, my, my everything key ring was with me because, Oh God. Yeah. And I don’t, since I’ve been a kid, I never put my wallet in my back pocket. Oh, you’re not supposed to. Yeah. I’m always worried about getting pickpocket ever since I was a child. And so, I always have these wallets that aren’t really wallets, but they go on your front pocket. Yeah. So I got that going on. I got this big ring of keys. I’m juggling change. I got Aladdin’s lamp and, uh, we make it into the coin star finally. And, you know, barely with my pants, like hanging off sideways and stuff. And it’s on the ground. Yeah. And then, and then I had this one thing. It was a mason jar. The,
i got and it’s got a lid and when you put the coins in it counts them it counts the money oh yeah that thing for little kids yeah yeah exactly it’s for little kids but i still got it so yeah i was like i want to see if it’s the same amount as what it says oh geez and so she’s you know she’s like okay she’s like okay you know bobby and so she pours in that first so that i can, and then, you know, she’s feeding it in. She does all the, all the fun stuff. I just schlep shit around and try not to, you know, expose myself in public yeah right and uh so she’s and then you know, it’s going, you ever do those coin star things yeah and then she’s getting ready to put the other in. I go, wait, I haven’t seen if it’s the right amount. Oh my God.
This is the whole, the whole exercise is that I want to see if it matches the lid. I would murder you. I mean, like I’m fricking hungry and I got to wait for this dumb ass. I would murder you. And so, uh, so we wait and it settled in. It was $8 off, believe it or not. Oh, the, the jar said it had $38 and like 52 cents or something. And it was like, it was like, uh, like $30 and 27 cents or something. Oh, no. Yeah, and i was like, God, how can it be that far off? The night has been ruined. And then, of course, she’s like, shut the f up, and then she takes the rest, then she takes aladdin’s lamp and dumps it in there. The genie comes out yeah you know and and then it keeps kicking out these coins, like, and I, like, you know how it does uh and so one of them was Canadian, it was canadian dime yeah but
But the other ones were just like stuck together or something. And I’m like, what the hell? So then I’m trying to pry apart coins. So they’ll go. Oh, Jesus. Anyway, it was just a nightmare. But I, you know, I don’t know. I’m just like, who puts their extra coins in this rinky old brass thing? You know? Yeah. Right. Like put it in the goddamn cup. Yeah. Right. Like, you know, like. we got all kinds of tumblers around here that can get dirty coins and we can just toss or something. You know, in the olden days, people would get like those, what, like five gallon, like water. Yeah. Yeah. Those glass ones. And they just like fill it up. Oh, my brother had one of those. Yeah. And I stole so much money out of it. Oh my God. I got high. He had, he had one of those big jugs and it was like half full of change.
It would never get full and he’d be like… Hey, where’s all the quarters, man? Yeah, exactly. I’d pour it out on his bed. And then I’d pick out all the quarters. You’re a freaking thief. I know, I’m horrible. You’re a freaking thief. I’m like, I want McDonald’s. Oh, God. Yeah, I don’t know that he ever really… I mean, other than if he listens to this now. Have you ever caught on to that? Yeah. Yeah. Was it like dollar bills in there too? Or was it just all? No, no. It was all just coinage. It was all coins and stuff yeah all coins so yeah yeah i mean back then i would take like two dollars and that was McDonald’s. So it wasn’t. Yeah. But still, I’m sure, you know, he was like, why isn’t this thing filling up? What evil magic is this? What? He’s like, I’m a working man. I’m putting my coins in here.
My stupid little brother wouldn’t have stolen from me, right? I mean, he’s too dumb. He’s too dumb. He’s such a weakling. He couldn’t get the money out and throw it on my bed. He couldn’t pick it up. It’s going to smell on your sheets. Yuck. But yeah, I feel bad about that now. Yeah. In retrospect. Yeah. I apologize. I apologize if you’re listening. Chewy, I apologize. I’m sure it’s not the worst thing you’ve ever done. Yeah, pretty much. Okay. Do you know something else that you want to talk about? No, I won’t do that. Okay. I mean, you know, I stole the coins. You stole a lot of stuff. You stole like a Domino’s heating bag. No, that got left. So the story on that is… And you stole some big sign from McDonald’s. You stole a bunch of stuff from McDonald’s. And the flag, I believe you told me you stole the flag. Yeah, I stole the flag from McDonald’s one night. So, yeah, you have done worse. I think I stole the McDonald’s flag and the American flag. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I had an accomplice. Yeah. Because I had to put this girl on my shoulders to get it, so…
Oh, is this the girl you were banging during that kid’s birthday party? What? The girl that worked at McDonald’s. You said you were banging her in the bathroom. No, I did not do that. That’s a misnomer. I did not do anything like that. You told me that. You did a show on it. You did a story. You were banging this chick. Episode 175. Okay, somewhat. What are you nerds that actually listen to this show? Go back and find this. I made it up. It’s a made up story. Totally made that up. Exactly. I made it up. All right. It’s made up. I did work with her. Yes. But yeah, we stole the McDonald’s flag. I think she took both flags to be honest with you. Yeah. So if you think about it, I was just an accessory because I didn’t actually keep any of the flags. So you help your friends steal record albums. You washed your laundry at work. Yeah. I washed my clothes at work. Yeah.
I literally washed my clothes where I’d be standing around in my underwear. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Fucking balls hanging out. I don’t think that I had anything hanging. Yeah, I don’t think so. I’m wearing my jock again. Yeah. I was wearing my, you know, I’m trying to think of like my Calvin Klein’s or whatever. My BVDs. Yeah. So, uh, what’s going on with you? What did you steal, Mr. Birthday? You know, this isn’t about me, so i’m not going to go into that. It’s not about me until my birthday. So, uh, my kids have this friend named travis and, uh, Travis Tritt, the country. And, uh, during his high school years, uh, due to his poor home life, he used to almost literally live at this house for a while he stole a lot of things he did not steal anything no he did i didn’t yeah and then uh you know he joined the army you know this and that might happen i don’t i don’t get to see or talk to travis very often okay he’s a grown he’s a grown-ass man yeah probably for the best to be honest but yeah i’m
Yeah, still kind of a wild guy. Travis, remember all those pizza rolls you had when you were here? Well, time to pay up. Oh, no, apples. My God, this kid ate so many freaking apples here. Jesus Christ. Well, at least that was not too expensive. I mean, think about it. Like if you had pica, but you concentrated on apples, you know, for the pica. Okay. And, you know, this guy, I like him, but, you know, half the bullshit he says is like, pretty much made up half is true. So you never quite know. What do you mean? This is like talking to you. Oh, come on. I embellish stories, but I certainly don’t, you know, like, Oh, I met Elvis one day. I didn’t tell you the children’s party in the bathroom. Yeah. And, uh, so, uh, he was, uh, here a couple of weeks ago and, uh, he promised to show me, uh,
where this hidden cemetery was, right? Oh, really? Okay. And he’s mentioned this a few times and i mentioned it like, Hey man, I want to find this hidden cemetery. He’s like, Oh, my god I got a bag of apples. It says, if you take me there, you can have this whole bag of golden delicious. You want the macintosh or the gold? I’m a fuji guy. Come on. Fuji. Give me a Fuji. Don’t cheap out, Miles. That’s right. Don’t cheap out. Give me some Fujis. And he’s like, I have my phone with me. I am going to show you a satellite picture of this place. Really? Was it your own house? It was my backyard. It was like poltergeist or something. It was Mr. Miyagi’s backyard. Oh. And no, it was not Mr. Miyagi’s backyard. Okay.
he eats what he kills so yeah yeah yeah that’s true and uh he so he like a fool gives me his phone to show me this and he kind of turns away and he’s talking to my son so i’m like oh okay oh let’s go look at the pictures yeah so uh oh my yeah you think stealing change is bad yeah so there’s like a little like like he’s just got a message right i’m like oh This might be funny. Okay. I can answer this for him. And it’s like this, you know, like this long rant or I didn’t even read it. I saw something about cocaine or something. And I’m like, what the fuck is this? Meet me at the hidden cemetery. Yeah. You know, don’t tell miles, but there’s gold volutions. And so I didn’t even read it. But I’m like, oh, okay. I didn’t really recognize the guy’s name. I’m like, well, fuck. I’m just going to fuck around with traffic. I’m just going to write the words.
Ding, ding on the reply. Uh-huh. You know, I didn’t know what to say i’m like i better not fuck off or whatever so i just wrote ding, ding, right? So anyway, by this time now, Travis has realized that i’ve got his phone and i’m like typing stuff he’s like hey you didn’t take a picture of your junk, did you? Yeah. Oh, that’d been funny. No, you probably put it on the internet no yeah i’d be like he’d be like uh here’s miles’s junk, anybody, if you look close zoom in let’s say seems to be an awful lot of pubic hair. He’s more of an innie than an outing these days he’s like well you you weren’t texting someone on my phone, were you? I’m like, yeah. You texted somebody? Well, yeah, it was like a text came in, like some guy was ranting about something and i didn’t even read i’m like i don’t know what
fuck this is so i just wrote the words ding ding and reply, you know, you know, do you know ding ding is code word for something? I don’t know. Uh, it’s vietnamese for, I want to suck your No. Um, okay. So I had no idea. He goes, Oh, who was it i go uh it was uh earl ray jones or something. I don’t know who it was. He’s like, Oh my God, that guy wants to kill me. Oh, great. What? Why, why, what? He goes, yeah, he thinks i stole like all his money. Now he wants to kill me. Oh, great. Now I have to leave. I literally grabs his phone and runs out of the house. He knows where i’m at now. Yeah. Yeah. I’m like, Oh, did you write to him? I hope he didn’t write ding ding. Yeah. Oh shit. Oh shit. He’s outside my window. He’s coming to get me now yeah exactly
So now this poor kid will probably never come here again. My son will never see it. Mr. F around with everybody’s stuff. I thought it would be funny. I thought it would be funny. And now I’m the bad guy. Yeah. I just took a picture of my areola and sent it over. You want to see these scars? Yeah. You want to know how I got these scars? If you can tell me. How many skin tags are in this picture? You win a prize. Yeah. So I don’t know. I don’t, I don’t know how that ended. I just took like a big step away from him. Like, okay, well anyway, good luck. Did you actually see the hidden cemetery or no? No, I, he’s saying it’s in one spot. I’m saying this in another. And so we’re disagreeing where this is at. Oh, okay. He he’s okay. I see.
I’m into some stuff. Yeah, this is one of those kind of bear beat a tiger kind of conversations. Yeah, right. Yeah. I got you. I’m in a necrophilia. No, I don’t know. It’s just… He’s always like, oh, I know how I can get you into this place. You know, this and that. I know hidden places. I can unlock them and I know how to… Okay. Yeah. I’ll pick the lock. You know, we’ll go in this place. It’s been closed for 20 years. I’m like, okay. Oh my gosh. But occasionally the guy does tell the truth. So then I, you know, you never really quite know. Yeah. You never know. You never know. So is he okay? Have you checked on him? I mean, I don’t know. I took a big step backwards from it. I’m like, okay, well, I talked to your son and say, is Travis. Okay. I ding ding. Does I,
you know, I felt bad. I felt bad because this kid like never comes over our house anymore. Yeah. Well, there’s probably reasons for that yeah i’m assuming ding ding