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Bob gets shown up at the UPS store, while Miles talks inappropriately to his mail carrier.
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Do-do-do-do-do-do. Hey everybody, welcome to Psychs, this is Bob. Hey now, this is Miles with Static Radio. Hey now, hey now. Hey now. Hey now, Hank. We should do an episode where we just like sing the whole frickin’ episode, you know, like a half an hour of just… Well, if you put it together, we sing too much. Yeah. I told you… We should do comedy karaoke where you just make up your own words and they’re funny. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I do. Hopefully they’re funny, but maybe they’re not. Yeah. Maybe they’re just sick and twisted and nasty. That’s all my nicknames. For instance, I think you would have a song called Saved by Facebook. Maybe I will win. I seen a breastfeeding video. It was lonely Saturday night. I wasn’t feeling right. Save my Facebook.
Too silly. Too silly. Stop the sketch. Too silly. Oh, my goodness. We’ve just been having too much fun. It’s too much fun. Sure. Say it by Facebook. You know, any song that you think of, you could twist pretty good into being some kind of weird sexual thing, I think. Yeah. I can’t stop this feeling. In my pants tonight. When you look at me. With your fingers deep inside. Begging you girls easy. When I hold you. And I’m really still. We’ll work on that concept a little bit. I look forward to coming to a feed near you. Hey, everybody. If you have a favorite song, just call in to Static Radio. It sounds like… There used to be a great show called Make Me Laugh with Bobby Vann. Oh, Bobby Vann. Yeah, jeez. Show me a Coke. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. That reminds me of something that Bobby Vann would host. Comedy karaoke. Chuck Beres. He’s dead, so. Chuck Beres. Did he do Make Me Laugh? Was it Chuck Beres? No, no. I’m just saying he’d be a good host, too, though. But he’s dead, too. I think he’s dead as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Where are the Chuck Barrises and Bobby Vans of the world, right? Not anymore, man. Not anymore. They don’t exist. So I… I got showed up by the UPS store lady. Oh, yeah. Were you flexing? You were like, hey, check this out. Well, I wasn’t trying to flex, but… So… My wife seems to be in a pattern where she likes to get things delivered and then have me take them back. Mm-hmm. You know, like these things get delivered and she’s like, oh, I don’t want that. And then she’s like, would you take this over to the UPS store tomorrow? This isn’t the pegging set I ordered. Bring this back. Oh, thank God. It says. Ooh. One size fits all. So… we got this. So my son guy has a bunch of books and he has a bookshelf, but, but he needs another bookshelf. And so right. Flat pack bookshelf. It’s supposed to be here. Well, the one that she ordered doesn’t show up and it’s like stuck in transit. Right. So she orders another one as if this is like, um, unclogging a,
you know uh dime store you know crank thing where you get the egg with the prize in it so oh i’ll just do another corner ending and it’ll knock both of them out right i’ll just keep buying bookshelves until one of these shows up so lo and behold they both show up on the same day yeah and she’s like well i want the original one but now i don’t want this super freaking heavy other bookshelf right that i’ve purchased, would you take this back to… Oh, you got your dog going. I’m going to have to move. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were going to have their wrestling match right in the middle of the show here. Yeah, because it only happens every fucking week. But anyway… I can’t sense patterns since the accident. Keep talking. Go ahead. She…
you know, she cons me into taking back this other bookshelf. I’m like, okay, I’ll take it back. And so, and then there was like, you know, there’s always two things. Well, we can’t take this other thing back. So I’ve got a bookshelf that weighs like, I don’t know. To me, it probably weighed at least 125 pounds. And then she’s got something that weighs nothing. I’m taking them both back and juggling them into the ups yeah So I get up there and all they have at the UPS store is all these really, I think they’re like college students or high school students or something. But this is a very busy place. I don’t know where you live, but it’s just constant. Apparently where I live, everybody just orders shit online and then returns it because it’s constant chaos at the UPS. Are you okay, by the way?
Yes. I’m sorry. Yes. I’m sorry. I was distracted. I’m okay now. I was watching breastfeeding videos. I’m sorry. Continue. So you’re judging me two things. So I’m like, I get there and it’s just chaos. I get in with this heavy, the heavy thing in the light thing and heavy bookcase. Right. And then I get my turn at the counter and this young lady says, You know, it’s like, you know, you know, everybody’s returning stuff. It’s like a constant returns. And so was she, what was she Blair or two? Do you think, or, Oh no, she was, yeah, she was probably a, definitely a Blair. Nice. Okay. Go ahead. Yeah. I got a visual. So she, I go and they got the scale right there. And I’m like, do you want me to put this on the scale? And this other lady, she’s like, yes.
Who just kind of like seems to be walking around, you know, like the musher or whatever to get all these people working. A musher. She’s writing numbers on people’s hands. Yeah, exactly. And so I’m like, okay. I mean, it’s kind of heavy. She’s like, that’s okay. So I put it on the scale. And then you… You probably have never done this, I’m assuming, because you never do anything that seems slightly technologically advanced. So then you hold your phone up with a barcode, and she scans it, and then they throw it in a pile, and the UPS guy takes it back to Amazon or wherever the hell it came from. And so she does that with both things, and then the musher comes back up. A musher. Yeah. She’s this little tiny musher.
woman. She’s a little bit older. She’s probably like in her 30 or something. Carol Ann! Carol Ann! She comes back up to the thing and she starts grabbing this bookshelf and I go, I go, ah, you know, I’m like, it’s heavy, right? I mean, it’s even got a sticker on one that says heavy. Yeah. She picked that thing up like it was fucking nothing. J.B. Summers. Yeah. She stuck it under one arm and just walked off with it. And I’m like, wow. She looks at me as if I’m like an idiot. And, uh, so yeah, I got, I got kind of, I got kind of shown up. Uh, the musher, uh, yeah. Yeah. Was flexing on you a little bit. Many years ago, I worked for the United parcel service. Yes. Many, many years ago. Yes. And, uh, um,
And I’m like, I’ve lost all this muscle from not working hard all these years. And here I get stood up by this lady, the musher. Large merge. Whipping around. No, she wasn’t very large. She was tiny. Whipping around bookshelves, flat pack bookshelves like they’re nothing. You know what I mean? Yeah. And she used to look like, yeah, it’s not heavy. Like, what are you, an idiot? No big deal. I mean, you know, I throw around car engines in the back here. Come on. Come here. Let’s bench. What can you do? Come here. Yeah. What can I do? Apparently not even one 25 anymore. So yeah, apparently you’re weak ass. I was like, I was, I was, I left there totally dejected, you know, the mush.
feel like a riding crop walking around. This isn’t even like christmas time or anything. This is like the dead time. This place is so busy. There’s people constantly coming in, dropping off returning shit. There’s all these husbands probably like, God damn it i don’t know it’s no it’s no wonder we have a amazon warehouse, you know, not too far. mm-hmm and uh it’s no wonder it’s there everything’s coming and going everybody’s getting it to their house and then giving it back oh christ i don’t know what’s happening you know that stupid i don’t it’s weird if i don’t if i can’t buy at the store i don’t get it man yeah that’s what i’m saying you don’t yeah you don’t have this experience because no i don’t i can’t relate you’re like um you’re at the walmart at the customer service
Anybody know where there’s maternity bras and breast pumps? I’m asking for a friend. I need some razors and a shave cream too. I’m just, you know, I’m being prepared. i’m feeling engorged yeah they’re more worse than one yes so yeah but i mean that’s uh yeah i was like gosh this is i mean i’m like how far i’ve fallen gosh i’m a weakling little wiki boy i’m pulling this you know looking like I don’t know who I’m trying to think of who, uh, somebody who, who can’t like Charlie Chaplin came in with a bookshelf or something, swinging it around. And then this lady’s just like, you come stumbling. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I don’t, I don’t want to. Yeah. I think I’m going to have to go to the gym or something, maybe. I don’t know. A millennial kicks the Gen X’s ass again. Yeah. She probably was. Yeah, a millennial. I guess she would be a millennial, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, there you go. Wow, I saw you were humbled. Yeah, I’m humbled, all right. Mm-hmm. Earn it. Mm-hmm. Earn it. Oh, my gosh.
Here I come in thinking this is heavy, and they’re just like… Got little toddlers throwing shit around. You get mistaken as a woman sometimes. I was wondering maybe if they thought you were like a post-menopausal woman, maybe bringing in a heavy load or something. Okay, hold on, Grandma. Yeah, I wish I got mistaken. Get some help. Although somebody did hold the door for me. That was nice. Here you go, Gramps. That’s just because I was swinging around with his two before, you know. Yeah. Looked like Laurel and Hardy or something, but I’m both of them together. He looks more like Hardy. Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah. Oh, we’re already here. Yeah. Nobody knows any of these references. I come swinging through the door like Chris Farley. Does anybody even know that anymore? He’s been dead for so long. These are references no one’s going to get. Okay. Jelly Roll takes a bookshelf back and
They’re like, stick to the harmonica, fat boy. You need some help? Yeah, I could. I hope this big shelf doesn’t look like your face. I need a favor. God, I need a favor. Oh, that song got you. Never mind. Yeah, see, I’ve lost you already. Yeah, you’ve already lost. This comedy karaoke’s not working out. No, it’s bombing, yeah. So what’s going on with you? It’s bomb. I, you know, I just can’t escape trying to be like my dad. I don’t know why. I just cannot escape him. He’s been gone for almost a year now. I don’t know. I think I’ve just been channeling him more and more as I get older. I’m like, man, I can’t even… You know, just like no filter. You’re going to get yourself in trouble. Yeah, well, I thought today was the day, man. I thought today was the day. And, you know, I just can’t help, you know, but interacting with like the United Postal Carriers. Oh, really? You’re doing the package thing as well? No, no, no, no. They come to our business there, you know, our shop there. Oh, right. Yeah, where you’re
saying dirty things to the mail lady. Yeah. Yeah. Well today was, yeah. Maybe over the top. Dirty things to you, but you were laughing about it yeah mm-hmm like uh you know, I had the incident a few months ago where i had a letter that wasn’t sealed and i was having trouble handing it to the girl. And she’s like, do you want me to lick it? You know, and stuff like that. And, uh, what size are you? mm-hmm mm-hmm And so, like, we have, like, a regular delivery person. Then we have, like, two fill-ins that seem to show up quite a bit, you know. And, you know, so. How does that work? I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not going to put them down. You know, I don’t have anything against postal people or anything. Yeah. Other than your hands. Other than my hands, yeah. So, I saw one pull up, you know. I’m like, okay. The highlight of your day is when the postal worker shows up.
What can I do to cross the line today? What can I do? Let’s see. Did you bring my x-ray specs? I want to put them on before you leave. My mirror shoes, did you bring them? She’s coming in to the shop and I see her fumbling with letters and stuff. There’s this big flat package. It looks like it might have a like a bicycle tire and in or something. I don’t remember. It’s not, it’s not quite that big, but you know, it was like flat though. You know what I’m saying? It was like, you know, like a, whatever it was in it had a diameter to it, you know? Yeah. Okay. And so she’s like miles. I am. And so she, she talks. Oh, and, um,
And she’s fumbling with the mail and she whips out this box. Right. I’m like, and all I said was, wow, you’ve got a big box. Oh, there you go. Oh boy. The smile from ear to ear. Boy, I had a dime for every time I heard that. She’s like, I gotta go. Yeah. I’m going to be leaving now. Thank you. Yeah. No, but, uh, I go, maybe that crossed the line. No, she leaves. And then my boss comes out. He’s like, uh, did you just say she’s got a big box? I’m like, Oh, I mean, no, I’m just saying the one she delivered. Yeah. I mean, I don’t know her personally, but I mean, you know, the thing she delivered, I’m just saying, you know, he’s like, uh, did she laugh when you said that? I’m like, Oh yeah, I think so. I’m pretty sure he’s like, Oh, okay. You know, yeah.
I don’t know. So if we get shut down tomorrow, yeah, you’ll know. Well, you may get shut down. Yeah, I know, man. Miles, let’s talk a little bit. HR people want to talk to you about. Yeah, really. Your conduct. You’re harassing federal employees, sir. I can’t help myself. I just want to, you know. I bet your nickname was Grand Canyon in high school. all i said, I was referring to the box. That’s all. Now, if anyone wants to take it dirty, that’s their problem, not mine. Don’t worry about it, Wendy. Yeah, you know, just, hey, if you think it’s dirty, it’s dirty, you know yeah oh yeah i’m sure you didn’t say it knowing grin or snicker. No, I just said, wow, you’ve got a big box there. Wow. Yeah, yeah.
I didn’t say I like your box or wow, that box is wrapped up tight. I didn’t say anything else like that. You know what? I like Herve. I like the postal worker ladies because they got the biggest boxes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I bet your first initials are P.O., Oh, yeah. Good time. Good time. Oh, yeah. Let’s just harass the postal lady. Arrest her. Throw shit from the doorway. Yeah, like, I’m not coming anymore. Yeah. Wait till I get the summertime. I really love those mail carrier shorts. Who wears short shorts? I certainly love a woman in uniform. Yeah. Wow. That’s very nice. That’s very nice of you to, you know, make fun of. Yeah. Did you ask her how many children she’s had or anything like that? One that I know of. Oh, you know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I get to know my postal people. Yeah, apparently. I ask them private questions sometimes. Like, hey. You know. Or you volunteer things. You’re like, boxers! Commando! Whether she wants to hear it or not. Guess what? Guess what? Today, boxers! Boxers! i’m sticking my leg poor lady oh my gosh i apologize to you i mean not to mention you know you’ve got the you know steve austin eyes going at her We had to make a reference because we had a Bionic Woman reference earlier, didn’t we? Yeah, everyone was going to be like, what? What? We needed a thesaurus or something to look up the show. All right. All right, all right, all right. Love me, love me, love me. Yes. Undercover postal workers. She’s got a big old box. Can’t even fit this at all. I was a little beat up. I should have said, man, you’ve got a nasty box there. Oh.
Oh, it’s nasty. It’s dirty. Oh, it looks dirty. That box looks like it’s been through some stuff. If you know what i mean like going to a barry white song or something here. Oh baby, I can’t live without you yeah