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Miles’s son, sister, and mother all brush with the infamous, while Bob can’t believe Miles got something almost right.
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I don’t think anybody wants to hear that, honestly. I hope that wasn’t recorded. No, come on. Oh, no. Oh, no. There he is. Okay. I lost your audio. No, it’s still there. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the show. This is Bob. Hey, everyone. Miles. Miles self-pleasuring himself. Oh. My family’s starting to listen to the show, so please, yeah, let’s not. Hey, I wasn’t the one who was moaning at the beginning of the show. I had some things going on, okay? I can’t really go into it. Yeah, apparently. Yeah. I don’t think… trying to upstage Conan O’Brien’s masturbating bear is really the way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, welcome to my fans only. So you’re only fans. You always do everything. I know I have a thing. I don’t know. I do that. It’s like you got word dyslexia or something for you to say. Instead of letter dyslexia, it’s word dyslexia. So it’s like,
I don’t need any TCH. Be funny. You will. Yeah. I don’t know. That’s so funny. Yoda syndrome. Also. I do. I know. A little claws for hands from. Yeah. Hey, everybody. It’s. It’s been one of those days. Yeah. Whatever’s going on in your life. I’m hoping it’s okay. It’s. It’s doing okay now. I just have to get resituated now. So we had a sick animal and they’re convalescing. So we’re dealing with that. So everything’s okay at the moment. Okay, good. Nothing tragic. Although there is something tragic that happened recently. Yeah. Although you probably won’t think it’s so tragic. Well, first of all, Detroit Lions didn’t win. I just wanted to mention that. Yeah. So your first Polish Nostradamus prediction was Kansas City Chiefs versus Detroit Lions. Detroit wins. Never going to happen. Damn it. Never, ever going to happen. I thought I picked Eagles. God damn it. But…
and this is what pains me yeah say go ahead greatly you are you have a already have a partial hit on the list. Okay, go. Do you have any ideas which one no no do you want to take a guess no i don’t no i don’t want to guess! No, I don’t know i don’t guess no uh Michael is going to be in the Golden Girls. I will never hear the end of this. What? He is Michael Gardner from Savage Unfiltered. Has told me that That he is going to be in the Golden Girls stage play. Oh, no, he’s not. As a mailman. He’s not going to be Ma. Okay. If you take your Nostradamus powers, you could say, well, mailman starts with M-A. Yeah. So maybe you just didn’t get the whole thing.
Oh my God. He listened to the show and could not believe that this even came up. Really? And then divulged to me, uh, last week I held it because it was after Monday. I held it till tonight. Hey, yes, he will be in Chicago in July, Chicago even, uh, in July to be, uh, a mailman, uh, in the stage presentation of a golden girls. I mean, I have more than that. Wait a minute. Now he had not heard the show. He had not heard the predictions, right? No, no. This, this floored him as much as it’s it it floored him probably as much as it’s flooring me. Yes. How did you feel like, Oh my God. I thought first thing my first thought was you motherfuckers are in
And then I realized when I was talking to him that, well, that would entail you actually doing something beyond. And so I’m like, okay. The chances of that are even slimmer. He could be an understudy for Ma. Well, he actually told me his lines for the mailman, so… He read me the script. Hey, Dorothy, you want me to deliver this in the rear? I said, well, we know a mailman that could give you some inside tips. Yeah. Wow, that made my day. It makes your year. Are you kidding? This is the first one that you even get close to. Well, you know, they say. Not only is this you know i mean you couldn’t you’ll never get more right than this. Yeah, well, it’s pretty close. It’s pretty close. I mean, I don’t think any of the rest of them are gonna hit it was pretty close. Yeah. Oh, and, uh, you know, just another little, since we’re talking about, you know, insider bits here and so the uh i don’t know if i can look it up now while we’re
doing this but anyway people i did i do little short pieces of the show you know to kind of get people interested hopefully yeah and the floor is lava thing everybody was there was hundreds of people on the shorts that watched that stupid thing and we’re i guess that’s something of interest to people anyway My game show idea. The floor is lava. Well, there was a game show called the floor is lava, but you said the Hawaiian version or something. And then, yeah. Yeah. I mean, so maybe they’re mistaking it for a real game show, but I don’t know. But anyway, people seem to be, you know, more into that. That’s my Shyamalan twist. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Your Shyamalan twist. I would like to dance is the Shyamalan twist.
I would like to read you Michael’s social security number now, if I could. Yeah, his bank account. His bank account. His waistline. The street he grew up on. Yeah, well, I mean, that part you could do, because I watched you do that to people in college. And this is pre-Google, folks. Yeah. Miles would peruse various publications that would have information on people. And then he would go, hey, do you live over on, you know, Dart Drive over there? And they’ll be like, how do you know? Well, no, you talk to someone and you tell me their name and then I’d sneak away and find a phone book. Right. And like, hey, aren’t you at 123 College Avenue? Yeah. And they’re like, what? What? Are you spying on me? And usually it was women. And, you know, kind of like pre-stalker Miles there. There’s nothing funnier than a creeper that knows your address. Like, oh, what? Who’s this guy? Yeah. And then you’d say their phone number and it would just be. Oh, the phone number was even funnier. Isn’t your phone number 52?
One, two, three. Yeah. How did you know that? Wouldn’t you like to know? You were being a little stinker. That was like the best. Yeah. Like the closest I’ve ever come to like some kind of like magician or something. I don’t know. David Blaine before there was David Blaine. And just do the voice. So, but anyway, you picked… Michael’s audition for Ma on the stage show of Golden Girls as your pick. I’m supposed to buy you dinner at Twin Anchors in Chicago. It’s not Ma. It’s the mailman. I think I’m going to get you… Do you have a Jack in the Box there in town where you’re at? No. You told me you recently got a chicken place. I’ll owe you a chicken dinner.
You didn’t send me to KFC. That’s good enough. Okay, KFC. Deal. For your half-assed correct half answer, then I will get you one of those nasty bowls that they sell at KFC where they just sweep the floor and put it in a bowl. I just wish I could have been there when this all came down. Like, what did you say? Yeah, I was like, he told me, and I’m like, what? And then I’m like, yeah, I’m like, this is not happening. It’s not happening. So yeah, it was not only was it a shock. Yeah. It was really kind of a kick in the nuts. Honestly. Well, yeah. Keep laughing. Keep laughing. Virtual kick in the nuts there with this. It’s coming down. Not only that, you would have had like a trifecta if you would have said in Chicago, but you didn’t say that. He said stage show, which it is a stage show. The only piece you didn’t get right was he’s not playing Ma. He’s playing a mailman. Well, you know, we don’t. Maybe he has a romantic thing with Ma, though. Well, yeah, that’s what I insinuated when he told me. No, I said Blanche. I’m like, here’s your mail, Blanche. Bend over. Oh, my God.
I’m getting the vapors. Oh, yeah. Anyway, I hear the end of this. I’m in your head. Your gift card to KFC will be on its way as soon as I get around to it. I’ve just put in a secret camera in his apartment, so I just pretty much know everything he’s doing now. Poor guy. It’s all he needs. You spying on him. so what’s uh what’s going on with you? I keep getting these secondhand stories which i don’t i’ve my night’s ruined, so how about yeah all right gosh sorry excuse me um so let’s go with some secondhand stories i guess okay so yeah there’s a lot of secondhand going on with you the ghost hand yeah Yeah, the ghost hand. And, uh, so my youngest son, uh, has decided to maybe take a few college classes here and there. And he, uh, picks up this, like, um, I think it was like sociology class or something something i don’t know psychology or sociology or some they’re like well let’s go.
let’s go to like a nursing home and uh we’ll talk to some of the patients and we’ve kind of pre-selected patients. And I want you to interview them and then you’re going to come back and then we’re going to talk about it. You’re going to kind of tell us. You’re going to give like a lowdown on this uh nursing home person gotcha and uh it wasn’t a very big class, I guess. I don’t know. Anyway. So, uh, they give my son a couple, three names and he goes there and like each one, like they already have like family in the room visiting them. Oh, so he’s an intruder. Yeah. He’s like, oh, well, okay. Oh, that one. Okay. I go to the second one. Oh, no. Okay. Strikes out. That was the teacher. She’s like, well, just, you know, pick someone from our class and talk to them.
That’ll be good enough. Oh, okay. Now it’s now not an old person, but a younger person. Yeah. Just like, you know, like some, you know, stupid college age person. Hey, Bob, what’s your, what are you like? What’s your hobbies? You know, I’m going to be in the golden girls. You like that? Now bear in mind that my son is, is somewhat of a fan of music, pop music to some degree. And, uh, uh, so anyway, I will just change the name here just to protect the innocent, but basically there’s like, what’s that? Slipknot. Slipknot. Yeah, no. Uh, so there’s like some, you know, older, you know, woman doing something. She goes, Oh, I talked to some woman and, uh, and I’m changing this up. This is not true, but he used to, uh,
Let me think if I can throw it. He used to tour with Waylon Jennings. Buddy Holly? Buddy Holly. She used to tour with Buddy Holly, and she actually kind of wrote a couple songs, and she actually still gets royalties from these songs. Oh, good deal. And she, you know, once in a lifetime opportunity, and this lady talks, she like, the interviewer knows nothing about Buddy Holly, let’s say. He’s like, Oh, some guy. You know, musical guy or something. Every day. Yeah. but my son trying to ask questions, this lady has no idea. Like, I don’t know i i guess i don’t know. He’s just like totally going nuts. He’s like, oh my god you know you got this person who was of some note. Yeah.
And didn’t even do any… She was supposed to be interviewing them, right? Yes. This class would be interviewing this woman who apparently has, in the past, had some ties to someone. Billy Joel. No, it wasn’t Billy Joel. I wrote He Didn’t Start the Fire and I Still Give Money. Yes, I actually wrote Piano Man. No, it’s a deceased celebrity, but… You know what you are? You’re a piano man. Yeah. He’s just totally, you know, my son’s lucky. He has like the worst luck in the world. He’s just all like, he cannot believe it. He’s like, Oh my God. Once in a lifetime opportunity to ask his lady questions. And now he, he totally gets washed out. Well, you just go find her and just go, I’ll interview her. You don’t know how to do anything. Tell after the fact. And then he’s like, Oh Jesus Christ.
Man. Oh my God. That’s terrible. You know, because he, he had something like this a few years ago. He was doing, he had some class where he had to interview a classmate. Right. And all this guy picked up on is that my, you know, my son’s a pretty big dude, you know, he’s pretty big kid yeah tall player. And all this kid picked up on is my son likes to eat Man, he’s big. He likes to sit around the house. He likes to eat. It wasn’t like that. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, my gosh. So, you want to hear another secondhand story tonight? Sure, let’s do two. Let’s just do two. So, you know, my mom is you know, early 90s, I guess. And he is recently widowed. And so is my sister is recently widowed. I have a sister. I love that rock. You know, that’s my sister that you’re always making fun of. Yes. And so they decided, hey, since, you know, recently widowed,
let’s go down South. Like you used to like to do mom. And you know, my mom used to be a snowbird and all that. And they go, let’s go down by like new Orleans, you know, so I go, well, okay. Cause my, my sister has some medical training. So I’m like, okay, well, yeah, this is a good idea. You know, maybe, you know, they’re taking my mom’s new car, you know? Sure. They’ve got plenty of, you know, money for the casino. What could go wrong? Right. They’re renting some house for like two months, you know, brand new, brand new house, brand new house. Wow. What could go wrong? Living the life, living the life. Living the life. I go, well, let’s hopefully they make it, you know, and they make it. And then my sister calls up tonight. She goes, oh shit. I don’t know if I wrecked mom’s car or not. Like what? What? Yeah.
Brand new car. She’s only had it for like two months, right? Oh, my God. Well, I ran over the median or some shit. Oh, my God. God damn it. Jesus. But, you know, don’t worry. Our brother says it’s okay. I’m like, well, okay. All right. Well, I do it all the time. I run over all the medians. That’s me. I hope I may curb stuff all the time. That’s what they’re for. They’re just big speed bumps. That’s all. Yeah. So she goes, but while there’s more miles, I go, okay. So they go to a local casino and my mom gives my sister, her debit card says, Hey, go to the ATM over there and get mom some money. Gotcha. Right. So what could go wrong? So my sister goes over there or something. Yeah.
Yeah. Right. Well, no, it wasn’t that bad. But so my sister gets the money, comes back, they gamble for a while, they go to leave. And, uh, my mom decides, uh, where’s my car at? And my sister who’s, you know, you know, pushing 70 now, she’s like oh but i know probably in that machine over there. They left it in the machine so oh my God. they contact, you know casino casino looks like, oh yeah, some guy, yeah, showed up and took your card. Yeah. Oh, they watched, they watched the footage yeah yeah yeah like oh yeah, we see this guy here in the casino a lot yeah okay yeah okay there’s nothing that could go wrong with two octogenarians going to a casino in new Orleans. Yeah. And, uh, so apparently, uh,
They get the cops involved and they go, why don’t you shut off the card? Right. Well, yeah. Okay. You’re very close. It’s Sunday. No one works on Sunday. Ma’am, there’s an 800 number for fraud and stuff. Please call it. Are you sure? Yes, ma’am. I’m sure. I’m sure that the cops are reassuring my sister. Please just move forward with it. So at this point, the guy has gone to Lowe’s and spent $600 on something. Oh, great. With my mom’s money. And then he’s filled up his truck up to about 80, 90 bucks, fills up his truck. Your cards, anytime you have gas and large purchases together, that means it’s stolen. That’s what they, they shut them off anyway. Um, no, no. The problem is it’s a debit card. Number one, never, ever use your debit card. Yeah. No shit.
And don’t be afraid to call the place either. Cause it’s Sunday. I’m like, Oh, exactly. Oh my gosh. And then the jackass is going to McDonald’s and spend like 20 bucks at McDonald’s. That’s me. Minerva. And that, yeah. And then this is noose bomb, you know, yeah. And, uh, yeah. Then he was like trying to move money out of her account into like some VMO thing or something or whatever. I’m like, Oh my God, Jesus. You know, it’s like a, you know, it’s like her life savings in this account, you know, like, Oh, well, they finally, she has never lost in that account. Yeah. You know, so her whole, you know, $2,000, you know, she has, and, uh, no, she got more than that. No, but so they, they shut off the card, but this jackass has spent, you know, who knows how much, $700 at this point. And, uh, lost, lost.
So the bank’s like, oh, that’s all right. Well, we just reimbursed you. Don’t worry about it. Oh, did they? Because it’s a debit card, you know. Credit cards have a limit. It’s like 50 bucks you’re on the hook for. Debit cards, it’s different. You seem to know a lot about stolen cards, my friend. Well, I’m not going to get into it, but it’s different. I can’t talk about it, but I guess. Okay. I’ve been sworn to secrecy. All right. All right. Stop. All right. I don’t want you in trouble. Jesus. I took an oath. All right. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. You’re into some stuff. I know. You know people. I know. I know. So the family fortune is all well. The car’s a little skinned up, a little skidded on the bottom there. Yeah.
I said, you know, if you guys are going to blow my inheritance like this, I really would have nixed this trip. Little Thelma and Louise go to New Orleans. New Orleans. So, yeah. So, there’s two old women, you know, like hitchhiking back. Yeah. Come on, honey. Get in the General Lee. We’re going to the casino. Oh, my gosh. Secondhand news. There you go. Yeah. Well, sometimes you need a little secondhand. Don’t you think? Maybe you need a lot of secondhand.